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We have regulars we see walk in, and smile… and they have a drink waiting on them when they get to the bar. We have “incidentals” walk in, and our assholes pucker. We have owners who take advantage over us as employees… we have owners who we consider, and sometimes are our parents.

We don’t hate what we do, we love it. Like every job, there are things we don’t like about it… things we love about it… and things (and people) we outright hate.

We work doubles, clopens, volumes and everything in between. If you’ve never done it before, you don’t get it. If you haven’t done it long enough… you think you get it, and maybe you get some of it, but probably not all of it.

A woman came in today to apply for a kitchen position we were advertising. On her application, under past employment, in the reasons for leaving, she listed: “I stabbed the sous-chef. “She’s slutty-hot. Like, I’d never take her to meet my mom. She’d probably fuck me in front of her mom. Christ, her mom may try and join in.”.

We aren’t here for you acceptance. We are here for those bad nights, so we can sit back and say, “At least it’s not just me.” The stories here come from New York, California, Florida, Arkansas, and every other state between… as well as some other countries.

The Angry Bartender Store

We are far from uneducated. We’re thinkers, doers and creators. We are sons, daughters, sister, brothers, parents and most importantly people.

We are not scum. You can attempt to talk to us however you’d like, and at the end of the day, it’s not treating someone you feel “beneath” you like they are… it’s trying to find someone beneath you, because you are stepped on all day long.

Stay Angry. It’s not about being an asshole or having an attitude. Don’t mistake someone’s personality for an attitude. “It’s your job to be nice to me.” No, it’s everyone’s job to be nice to people. Whether it a bartender, doctor, teacher or cab driver… everyone is supposed to be nice to people. It’s our job to serve you your drinks and food. It’s not your right to treat us like shit, so we stay angry. Even if we’re smiling, we stay just a little angry. We don’t let our guard down… because you’ve got to be ready for something to go wrong… and it will. And that’s why we stay angry… and shake it off… and Make Money. I think that speaks for itself. We walk out of work. Maybe we go out for a drink (or four), maybe we go home to our families. We shrug it off, count our money and live to play another day. At the end of it all, we can come here and vent… and say Fuck It.

Bartner:

This term normally refers to your favorite co-worker behind the bar. You both know each others styles and moods and techniques and work with and around each other perfectly. This term can also be used to simply refer to the co-worker at the time of the story we are telling, though we try and reserve it for our co-worker of choice.

Douche-Canoe (DC):

A simple play on words we love to use to describe some of the “less-than-pleasant” customers we come across in our daily interactions. A canoe is a boat that can tip easily and a douche can’t do anything well accept piss people off, so different DC’s will have varying traits that annoy us… but one thing all DC’s have in common are that they don’t tip.

Regular:

What Is The Angry Bartender

A regular, as to be used on our page, is a term we will use as someone who frequents our workplace that we wouldn’t hide from if we saw them out in public. Though everyone has qualities about them we like and dislike, we do consider this person a friend and seeing them walk into your bar is uplifting. If you saw a regular out at a bar, one of you would send the other over a beer or drink and the other would counter with a shot. These are the people that help us get through those days.

The Angry Bartender Blog

Incidental:

Basically put, the Anti-Regular. Your butt-hole puckers when this person walks into your bar. Even co-workers who have mastered the “Happy-Work-Face” falter when they see these people walk in. Though they may tip you $1 on a $3 beer (and they will act like that $1 will solve all your problems)… once their tab hits $10, their tip will never exceed 10%… and usually settles around the 8% mark. They believe you are friends with them, but ignore the fact that you and your Bartner draw straws to see who has the misfortune of waiting on them. They tend to find and hang out with other Incidentals, though they secretly hate each other and tell you this as soon as the other walks away. They are a test. They are a scourge or rash we must endure to reap the benefits of our jobs.

Unicorn:

Angry Bartender Blogs

A person who belongs to a group of people who are generally considered poor tippers (Ex. Europeans or Hipsters) that tips (at least and consistently) 20%. They are well-mannered, intelligent and tend to restore some of your faith in humanity. A mythical creature, that some claim to have seen, but no solid evidence exists to prove it.

Leprechaun:

Almost always a service-industry worker. Their bar/restaurant closes before yours, so they come in later in the night, usually towards the end of your shift, and always tip like money is a disease that they can give away to you… The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Spoils of War:

It can refer to a few things, but in the end it’s all free. Usually either a mistake in the kitchen that the bar staff is allowed to share, or fight to the death over. It may also include a take-out order that was paid for, but never picked up or any drinks that were paid for, and left untouched… if you’re brave enough to drink them.

FDH:

An FDH.

You know, the girl who comes in and tries to get every guy in the place to buy her drinks for her.

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